that would make the funniest fucking story ever. Due to a mix up at the factory, the template for incantations that was supposed to a publishing company of dark art books is sent to a feminine products factory. Girl then accidentally summons Satan with period blood. Satan gets confused because its “dead blood” and when he shows up he realizes the sacrifice was done incorrectly so he cannot take the girl’s soul but now is bound to do her bidding because oops his bad, he showed up anyway.
no but kids from pureblood families going through embarrassing weaboo phases except they become obsessed with muggle pop culture
5th years carrying around pink razr phones from 2004 and awkwardly inserting “text speak” into daily conversations
11 year olds carrying plush carebears backpacks into transfiguration
everyone of them using outdated muggle slang incorrectly, making all of the muggleborns wince in pain
that is so fucking cute and hilarious
SIGNAL BOOST for Zarky
Zarky has infected tooth because of previous life on the streets leading to cracked canine that, for the past 4 years, we’ve managed to keep uninfected. But now things are getting serious and we need some help. :( I’m the last person to ask anyone for help - I am so stupidly prideful that I give up incredibly important things just so that I don’t have to ask for help. But even doing that, we don’t have enough for this surgery and his follow-up care. Donate or become a sponsor. Even a little bit helps.
It’s just like your parents always told you—you are special. But, if that’s true, where are your paparazzi and clingy fans? It’s time for you to take command of your destiny. This set of five hard vinyl You’re The Star figures is the adoring public you so richly deserve. They’ll watch you brush your teeth, wait for you to get home from work and hang around outside of any event you go to. In fact, occasionally you’ll want to yell at them, but don’t do it. You don’t want to be featured on TMZ.
"We’re being robbed. By bards. I’m as surprised as you are."
Secret cinema found beneath Paris.
In September 2004, French police discovered a hidden chamber in the catacombs under Paris. It contained a full-sized movie screen, projection equipment, a bar, a pressure cooker for making couscous, a professionally installed electricity system, and at least three phone lines. Movies ranged from 1950s noir classics to recent thrillers.
When the police returned three days later, the phone and power lines had been cut and there was a note on the floor: “Do not try to find us.” (via)
SECRET, MILDLY THREATENING UNDERGROUND COUSCOUS CINEMA
I WANNA GO
LET ME JOIN YOUR KIND, UNDERGROUND MOVIE PEOPLE
nO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS ENTIRE CINEMA WAS HIDDEN BEHIND AN UNDER CONSTRUCTION SIGN THAT LEAD TO A CHECK-IN DISK WITH A FULL CCTV HOOKUP THAT WOULD TURN ON AND RECORD ANY UNREGISTERED VISITORS. AND IF SOMEONE SNUCK IN? A TAPE OF BARKING SECURITY DOGS WOULD BEGIN TO PLAY.
BEYOND THE CRAZY FRONT DESK AND THE MOVIE THEATER, THERE WAS A STOCKED BAR AND TABLES AND CHAIRS, MEANING THAT AFTER CATCHING A FLICK IN AN ILLEGAL PARISIAN CATACOMB THEATER, YOU COULD THEN EAT COUSCOUS AND SIP A COCKTAIL NEXT DOOR. THERE WAS A PROFESSIONAL ELECTRICITY SYSTEM SET UP, AND AT LEAST 3 WORKING PHONE LINES. THIS SHIT WAS LIKE A BOND VILLAIN.
BETTER YET? IT WAS RUMORED THAT THE PLACE WAS SET UP BY THE UNDERGROUND FRENCH ART GANG UX “Urban eXperiment”, WHO NAVIGATES THROUGH THE PARISIAN UNDERGROUNDS AND ILLEGALLY RESTORES ABANDONED WORKS OF ART, ALONG WITH HOLDING FILM FESTIVALS IN THE BASEMENTS OF GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS. THEY EVEN RELEASED A SHORT FILM ABOUT THEIR WORK RESTORING THE ICONIC PANTHEON CLOCK OVER THE COURSE OF ONE YEAR. NO ONE SUSPECTED THEIR INVOLVEMENT, UNTIL THE CLOCK BEGAN TO WORK AGAIN AFTER 60 YEARS OF RUSTING.
IF YOU DON’T THINK CATACOMBS AND THE PEOPLE WHO HANG OUT IN THEM ARE SOME OF THE COOLEST FUCKING THINGS IN THE WORLD THEN I IMPLORE YOU TO EAT SOME COUSCOUS AND RECONSIDER.
"this is such bullshit" yells a confused dr. frankenstein as he is forcibly removed from a body building competition